Race-day Diner Gifts

'... Say, are you sure we're allowed a lunch break?'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

A day at the races

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

"A votre sante!"

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

"Just a drop."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

A train's dining car is a diner.

Jewish man walks into a restaurant called 'Oy Sushi'.

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

Mum's Diner - you finish those veggies!

'Meat loaf again!'

"Did you order a starter?"

'I don't leave until I've heard all 25 songs.'

"Our cook is working through a lot of stuff."

Chair massages.

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

Mom's Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.95.

'Watermelon - a fruit to eat, drink and wash your ears with.'