Quiz Show Star Gifts

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

Before the Internet

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

Senior Jeopardy!

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

At the celebrity jobcentre...

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

And that's why I'm still single!

Universe Challenge

'How can I enjoy 'Jeopardy' when she keeps blurting out the answers?'

"No conifering, please."

'And your specialist subject is the Invisible Man films?'

"I'm sorry, 'Because I said so' is not an acceptable answer."

"Angry or Hangry?

'Hi Peter, it's Chris Tarrant here, from 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?''

"errrm..I think I'll phone a friend."

'No! The bully in Tom Brown's Schooldays was called 'Flashman' not 'Paxman'.'

'You only say 'Bank' before a question on 'The Weakest Link', Mr Smith'