Quiz Shows Gifts

"I'm sorry, Jeannie, your answer was correct, but Kevin shouted his incorrect answer over yours, so he gets the points."

"errrm..I think I'll phone a friend."

Universe Challenge

"I'll take squirrel behavior for $500."

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

Game shows for I.R.S. agents.

Death on a gameshow: 'Oh, my...now contestant #3 has mysteriously dropped dead, so I guess that makes you, spectre of death, today's grand prize winner!'

'And a final consonant please, Magda.'

"No conifering, please."

Win or Die - "Well I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to Jeff..."

"Your dad can't phone a friend - he hasn't got one!"

'The Science Channel's started a new quiz show -- 'The Carbon-Dating Game.''

'How can I enjoy 'Jeopardy' when she keeps blurting out the answers?'

'A question of port.'

"Sits there watching quiz shows all day long and still he knows nothing."

Ian Hislop.

Robot Billionaire

"Contestants, you have thirty seconds, two hundred and eighty characters, and an unfamiliar topic - can you find a way to make it all about you?"

'However, if you miss the question...'

'He's trying to spell novice and asked if he could buy a vowel,'

'Do you mind, I'm trying to concentrate!'

"Can I phone a Fisherman's Friend, Chris?"

'And the $64,000.00 question is: Can you spell Qathafi's name?'

'... Is the wrong answer - sit down and await execution'

'It's a smart TV - it only turns on for Mastermind.'

Animal challenge: tie-breaker required.

Academic Jeopardy

"And now - Tomas de Torquemada, you have two minutes on your specialized subject; 'The sketches of Monty Python...'"

"And now a word for people who can't sleep at night."

Academic Jeopardy: "The average wave in a sea of doubts measures this height."

'I made loads of money by not doing TV quizzes.'

Jeopardy's Watson

"No, I'm sorry, that's incorrect. The top 3 beer consumers in the world are the Czech Republic, Germany and your husband Al."

Alex Trebek travels to the dark side.

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."