Quiz Show Contestant Gifts

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

Before the Internet

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Senior Jeopardy!

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"The official measure of an inch is three iPhones stacked on top of each other."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

At the celebrity jobcentre...

Bob Monkhouse

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'Then in the next round, I said to Carol, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant...'

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

Academic Jeopardy - "This was Titian's favorite after-dinner dessert."

'Please join us.'

And that's why I'm still single!

Universe Challenge

"No conifering, please."

'How can I enjoy 'Jeopardy' when she keeps blurting out the answers?'

"Angry or Hangry?

Mega Quiz. What's the most popular wind instrument? The air guitar.

Big Quiz. -900. +4800. +7230. Ernie, can you believe he calls himself a "smart appliance"?

'And your specialist subject is the Invisible Man films?'

'Hi Peter, it's Chris Tarrant here, from 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?''

"Your blood type is A+? Well, I suppose I could have gotten that if I had studied for my blood test, too."