Quitting Gifts

"I want out!"

'I need a cigarette! I'm having a nicotine fit!'

Trapeze artist leaves sign saying 'I quit'!

I'm no longer on Twitter. I ran out of interesting things to say. Now I'm on Quitter.

'He started smoking again because he misplaced the remote control!'

The trouble with trying to quit smoking.

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

"Going out for a smoke... you?"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

"If I've got to work for a tyrant . . . I may as well work for myself."

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."

Mega Corp. Employee Exit. I know every day is a gift, but sometimes I wish it had a return policy.

'I'm hereby giving my two week notice and taking my last two weeks of vacation. I could use a positive reference. Thanks.'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."

"I told him that I was leaving, that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork...he asked me to fill out an exit report!"

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

'I'm leaving this damn job at the end of the month.' - 'How did you find out?'

"In lieu of an exit interview, he just emailed a string of emojis about how he felt about the company and his boss."

Letter of Resignation

'Does this mean you won't be back on Monday?'

"My chronic condition has been pestering me every single day for the past six months. I'm a lifelong quitter so its persistence is troubling me."

When Dick quit, he walked off with the company Slushy fund!'

'I love being my own boss!'

'Its going to be difficult to replace you. Especially on the salary we were paying.'

"Does it come in menthol?"

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

"That's the part of the exit interview the boss really enjoys!"

'I hear you're leaving us, Wilkins!'

"I've decided to leave the company. Could I have my soul back?"

The Patch.

'My wife was anxious because I had some drinks before, during and after work. That's why I did what must have been done - I quit the damn job.'