Quirky Workplace Situations Gifts

"Don't exhale while you're in there - he has a thing about germs."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"He was orphaned at an early age and raised by two giant moths."

"Stan, it's come to my attention that you have been creeping people out at work."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

'I don't know what he's doing or why he's doing it, but by golly, I love his work ethic.'

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

"Just great...on my first day on the job."

Self-Employment

Sleeping at the computer.

'...How can I trust you to handle multimillion-dollar accounts if you can't even spin a basketball on your fingertip?'

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

'Very good job! I would like to show my appreciation in a practical way...Hip,hip hooray!'

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

'One small point,Perkins-we don't STAMP on the sell-by dates here!'

"You're fired."

Fun at the Office # 729: MEMO FANATICS IN THE HALL

'A raise? Huh! He won't even throw me a bone!'

"This one is less distracting."

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"Thanks, but, uh, I think I'll take the stairs today."

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'Now, now, Mancini, we all have to start somewhere!'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

"This is the software for my head."

I'm sorry. I can't find him. I've looked in all the usual hiding places.