Quirky Wit Appreciator Pillows

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

"Touché"

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"Your animal companionship is here!"

"I'm a monster."

A planet like ours - "Oh no, last time we got romantic, I ended up having to grow a new head."

Cheesie Rider

"Overkill, dude."

God with Earth Controller

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

Mummy Shrink.

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'Yes, Super-Supreme pizza... Delivered please...'

"Curiosity."

The songwriter who wrote a bridge about his bridge.

Pianist.

"We're making progress."

A cat draws a picture of a sleeping man

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

Pick your own fruit or worms.

"High Fashion"

'I can't tag him, he keeps his watches there.'

"There are tomato genes in the cod, spinach genes in the trout, carrot genes in the halibut..."

'Freudian slip '

Football merchandising - 1953.

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

"Whaaat? It's casual Friday isn't it?"