Quirky Sense Of Humor Appreciator Pillows

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Astral Projection

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"Ohhh...pick me pick me!!"

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

He wanted a different one.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

'Can I have flies with that'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.