Quirky Jokes Appreciator Pillows

A planet like ours - "Oh no, last time we got romantic, I ended up having to grow a new head."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

Laughing Zone Ahead

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'