Quirky Joke Lover Pillows

"It's from the squirrels...they have the dog and will release him for one million peanuts!

'Here comes the pimp.'

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't collect on your mate's life insurance until he's died nine times.'

"Hey, kid, need any dust?"

"I think you may be getting them mixed up-Perot is the one with charts, and Perdue is the one with chickens."

Personal history

Cannibal fine dining.

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

'Look alive, John. Here he comes.'

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

'Are you sure you can't get me pregnant, being invisible?'

Surgeons successfully remove brain nodule that makes people hum the same song snippet repeatedly.

"..Being a veggie, at first I didn't like being fed sheepy bits...but now I like them so much I've attatched some to my head with an industrial staple gun...nice!"

'There's something different about the vicar, He seems louder,'

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

Sick polar bear humour...

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Introducing...Anagraman.

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Fresh pepper?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

Blind man walking a tortoise.

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."