Quirky Joke Admirer Pillows

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Introducing...Anagraman.

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'Check out the old dude.'

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).