Quirky Comedy Appreciator Pillows

"He hated funerals. His last words were, ‘Wake me up when it's over.'"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

Fly Fishing

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

Conservation Area

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"