Quirky Realist Gifts

"Actually my childhood was quite dull. I've tended to look upon now as my formative years."

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

No crawling sign in the desert.

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

Pigeon Little

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Texturing the Walls

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

A dog whose nose is a gun.

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

"I see the radiator's Baroque again."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."