Quirky Quotes Lover Gifts

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Here lies Alexander 'Shut up I know what I'm doing' Jackson 1949 - 1984.

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

"I love you, you big fool."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Astral Projection

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'Now I am become life, creator of worlds."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'Can I have flies with that'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

He wanted a different one.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

Advertising on the internet.

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

Litter Tray Stonehenge

Toenail clipping missile.

Sir Isaac Newton wondered how he couldexplain this! (Pineapple)

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

"As Maggie Thatcher once said: 'Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.'"

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."

Clearing the castle's moat.