Quirky Quotes Fan Gifts

"I was born an urban bird and I'll die an urban bird."

You are the 1 I settled 3

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Theatre Masks and Butts

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'Check out the old dude.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

The Pencil and Sharpener

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'

'I like the litter box...but the pool has gotta go !'

Mouse with a cat cake.