Quirky Quoting Enthusiast Gifts

'Do you have any white with a hint of discount?'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.

'Is the water cold?'

Plant Parenthood...

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

The Frankenstein snowman.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

"The usual."

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

Tasty.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'The meat of their order is coming up.'

Snorkeling: A Dollar A Minute

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

There's not a lot of work for Sidewaysman.

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

'Have you been feeding him cat food again?'

'Mr. Gridley writes blurbs for tombstones.'

Piano Prompt

"When you said you were high up in the the music business..."

Mom $50 Pop $35

I'm afraid of Chia Pets, doctor. Actually, Al, so am I. Either you're getting well, or I'm going nuts.