Quirky Sayings Fan Gifts

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

The Pencil and Sharpener

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

Mouse with a cat cake.

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'

An Extraordinary Pointer

"Hold on... did you mean to hit Snooze or Jazz?"

'I like the litter box...but the pool has gotta go !'

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

'As soon as your mother is through laundering the money we'll go out to eat.'