Quirky Sayings Fan Gifts

Thank you! That paper almost hit me in the head. The old saying is true ... Good fencers make good neighbors!

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

The Pencil and Sharpener

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

Crash Test Dummy Blues

An Extraordinary Pointer

'I like the litter box...but the pool has gotta go !'

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

Mouse with a cat cake.

"Hold on... did you mean to hit Snooze or Jazz?"

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'