Quirky Saying Fan Gifts

'Your father refuses to get a job. He lives by the motto, 'If we're broke, don't fix it.''

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

The Running of the Brie

Antler Buzzers.

Deer Cross Dressing.

A woman drags a cat who drags a mouse toy.

'I think they make my feet look too small.'

Beachy Hair

"Okay, now this time just start chasing the squirrel instead of asking it to dance."

Hugs and knucklebumps don't mix.

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

'Let's face it, we're not meant to wear hats...'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

"Hock pa-tooie. Hock pa-tooie. Hock pa-tooie."

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

Freak Accident Specialist

"My Harvard Medical Guide says if a wisdom tooth is infected, you may need antibiotics and possibly have the tooth pulled by an oral surgeon."

Three ducks: two have normal bills, third one has bill turned around like bill of cap.

"Fruit of the Loon"

"I knew it was just a matter of time before the sheep hit the fan."

"I can't help being annoying. I'm a Pain-In-The Saurus."

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

"Do these jeans make my butt sound big?"

'Some people think they're ugly. I think they're appealing!'

"Yes, I'm sure it'll work. They hate turkeys with bad taste."

'The doctor said you should cut down on the 'love bites'...'

Atomic Bear: Part 3

Meerkows.

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, I have encountered a "close-talker" at work who always stands about five or six inches from my face while talking to me. Unfortunately, this close-talker is my boss. How can I get her to stop doing this without shooting my career in the foot? - Charlotte in Austin. Excellent question. It takes me back. The year was 1938. I spent months tracking down the elusive grizzly bear of the Ozark

Thank you! That paper almost hit me in the head. The old saying is true ... Good fencers make good neighbors!

"Oh, stop complaining—you know she's terrified of the nail clippers."

'That's strange, I never forget things.'

I can never remember which goes better with fish, red blood cells or white.

Go for it! Do a Hot Dog!