Quirky Wordplay Fan Gifts

"I knew it was just a matter of time before the sheep hit the fan."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Punt Cake

Please Drove Carefully.

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Out damn Spot

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"Privates Beach"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

The Alpha Seltzer

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

AA Meeting Here Today

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"