Whimsical Wordplay Fan Gifts

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Punt Cake

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Privates Beach"

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

The Alpha Seltzer

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Nuts to you, too."

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

Cat Burglar

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

AA Meeting Here Today

The americanisation of vulture.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Wiener Dog . . . Dog Wiener

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Exciting potato bugs.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"Didn't you just say that?"

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.