Wordplay Fan Gifts

M-Day

'Is it peasants or pheasants you're not allowed to pick up if you hit them?'

'Look daddy,look! I'm exactly 3 feet tall!' (a child foot getting measured for height).

Pot and Kettle - "Who are you to judge?"

'First of all we want to have our name changed from 'cockroach' to 'companion beetle'.' (Insect PR).

"You have what we in our profession call a Frozen Shoulder, Mister Saunders."

'You've got the shingles.'

'Jenkins, I asked you for some feedBACK... ah what the heck, it's almost lunch...'

MISSING! / a jigsaw puzzle sticking up a flyer to a pole regarding his missing piece

"I know all about civics! My mom drives one and says it's a nice car!"

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"You can talk the talk. Can you waddle the walk?"

"...Webs are spun. Not woven, or knitted or crocheted. They are SPUN. Say it with me, SSPUUNNN.'

Espresso. Expressivo.

"Come back when you have a girlfriend with a shorter name"

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'See you later alli...' - 'Don't.' (Alligator doesn't see the funny side)

Pictures 50% off...now only 500 words!

'Poinsetta! ' 'Poinsettia!' 'Poinsetta! ' 'Poinsettia!'

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

They kept all the pearls because they were very shellfish.

'You think you've got problems? Try being a male ladybug!'

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken replies: 'I'm free-range pal, I can go where I like.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

A door handle and a hammer are insulting each other.

'My wife doesn't appreciate that I push the envelope every day.'

Business Promotion.

'Times are tough for the employees. Don't make it worse by replacing the term 'headcount' with 'body count.''

'I invested in a Chinese chopstick company, but they refused to fork over any dividends.'

'I am a bit concerned about what you meant when you said: LET'S DO LUNCH...'

'Under blood type, Mr. James, could you be a little more specific than tired?'

"I'm not trying to say anything-I'm just talking."

WARNING! Keep out of river! Large,dangerous currant!

"Two out of three."