Wordplay Fan Pillows

M-Day

'Look daddy,look! I'm exactly 3 feet tall!' (a child foot getting measured for height).

'Is it peasants or pheasants you're not allowed to pick up if you hit them?'

'The poor girl is out of eggs.' 'Henopause.'

Pot and Kettle - "Who are you to judge?"

'First of all we want to have our name changed from 'cockroach' to 'companion beetle'.' (Insect PR).

"You have what we in our profession call a Frozen Shoulder, Mister Saunders."

'You've got the shingles.'

'I didn't mean a p-e-a sample.'

'Jenkins, I asked you for some feedBACK... ah what the heck, it's almost lunch...'

MISSING! / a jigsaw puzzle sticking up a flyer to a pole regarding his missing piece

"I know all about civics! My mom drives one and says it's a nice car!"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

'See you later alli...' - 'Don't.' (Alligator doesn't see the funny side)

"You can talk the talk. Can you waddle the walk?"

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Pictures 50% off...now only 500 words!

Espresso. Expressivo.

"Come back when you have a girlfriend with a shorter name"

"...Webs are spun. Not woven, or knitted or crocheted. They are SPUN. Say it with me, SSPUUNNN.'

'You think you've got problems? Try being a male ladybug!'

They kept all the pearls because they were very shellfish.

'Poinsetta! ' 'Poinsettia!' 'Poinsetta! ' 'Poinsettia!'

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

'I invested in a Chinese chopstick company, but they refused to fork over any dividends.'

'Times are tough for the employees. Don't make it worse by replacing the term 'headcount' with 'body count.''

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

Business Promotion.

Re-Tail.

A door handle and a hammer are insulting each other.

'I am a bit concerned about what you meant when you said: LET'S DO LUNCH...'

'My wife doesn't appreciate that I push the envelope every day.'

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken replies: 'I'm free-range pal, I can go where I like.'

Account Ant: 'All this time I assumed it was a misprint.'