Quirky Conversation Fan Gifts

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

"Okay, now this time just start chasing the squirrel instead of asking it to dance."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

French Animal Noises.

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

'But you distinctly said working breakfast.'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

Hugs and knucklebumps don't mix.

'A Dust Cow'.

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"Yes, it is strange...usually he reads the 'Daily Gossip'."

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'-and she gets headaches every time the doorbell plays our tune.'

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

Mini-tree in woman's drink has mini-man on it.

'Are you accusing my dog of identity theft?'

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

'That's curious, Mr Van Der Pummen...up to question 2084 you seem entirely normal, but then after 2085 you suddenly go to pieces!'

'Good evening! The debate continues over the idea of horse whisperers...'

I must say your enormous soda beguiles me.

Ringing horn

"Guess what I say today!!"

"These humans are WEIRD! - They pick up our poop; carefully tie it up into little bags and then throw it into the nearest bush. . . !"

'Meet Regan the vegan, Ray the gay and Tommie the commie.'

"O.K., Beverly, I'm a squirrel. What else?"

"Going anywhere nice this weekend?"