Quirky Stories Fan Gifts

Mayhem, Inc. Part 16

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Introducing...Anagraman.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 10

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

The Pencil and Sharpener

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

The Family Joules: Part 5

Hot cross buns

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

An Extraordinary Pointer

Crash Test Dummy Blues

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

Mouse with a cat cake.

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'