Quirky Quaffer Gifts

I like a screw-cap for the convenience, but I like a cork for

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Funky Facts: Football.

Best before 65 million BC.

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

'Is the water cold?'

Plant Parenthood...

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"What would you like me to play next?"

Joint Ventures!

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Real Estate Personals

Children's Book Publisher. It should be good for lots or repeat sales

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

"No more Dr Nice guy"

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."