Quirky Partner Appreciator Pillows

"He may be an unusual choice for a husband but I've found him to be really quite handy."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'I married him because he made my feet tingle when we played footsie. Turns out it was neuopothy.'

'We were made for each other.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

Jumbo in Henrik Ibsen's The Wild Duck

'When I married him, I didn't expect the full frontal crudity!'

'Please tell me you aren't my roommate.'

'Meet my significant other.'

"Stop tensing your abdominals!"

"Are you binge watching again?"

'...by using lightning and the flesh of the undead. Luckily, he turned out to be a charming fellow and brilliant raconteur.'

"It's not a sexual thing - I just enjoy dressing up in sheep's clothing."

Tortoise Falls In Love With A Football.

'Oh boy, the fact that you're identical twins makes it even harder to tell you apart...'

'The opinions expressed by Mrs Latimore are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of Mr Latimore.'

'A babe magnet? Shouldn't that be a fridge magnet?!'

"I want you to have it. It's a lock of my hair replacement."

"I'll admit, he may be a bit odd, maybe even creepy. But, he is hands down the best bell ringer we've ever had."

"Hey hon, don't wait up. They too the handcuffs and leather whip away from me at security."

'Oh yeah. . . she's the one that has a great personality.'

"I can't believe how COMPETITIVE the job market has gotten. The company I interviewed at today already has 16 employees who can burp the ABCs!"

Taste buds

Sign on a shopper: 'Yes actually I do own the pavement'.

'Old McAllister is a real crank -- he has a conspiracy theory about Tom Bodett.'

It's admirable you do your bit to save the planet by wearing green undies, but let's not forget, they weren't green when you bought them!