Quirky Partner Appreciator Pillows

"He may be an unusual choice for a husband but I've found him to be really quite handy."

"You don't whisper anymore."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'I married him because he made my feet tingle when we played footsie. Turns out it was neuopothy.'

'We were made for each other.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

Jumbo in Henrik Ibsen's The Wild Duck

'When I married him, I didn't expect the full frontal crudity!'

'Please tell me you aren't my roommate.'

'Meet my significant other.'

'Oh boy, the fact that you're identical twins makes it even harder to tell you apart...'

"Are you binge watching again?"

Tortoise Falls In Love With A Football.

'...by using lightning and the flesh of the undead. Luckily, he turned out to be a charming fellow and brilliant raconteur.'

"Stop tensing your abdominals!"

"It's not a sexual thing - I just enjoy dressing up in sheep's clothing."

'The opinions expressed by Mrs Latimore are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of Mr Latimore.'

'A babe magnet? Shouldn't that be a fridge magnet?!'

"I want you to have it. It's a lock of my hair replacement."

'Oh yeah. . . she's the one that has a great personality.'

"Hey hon, don't wait up. They too the handcuffs and leather whip away from me at security."

"I'll admit, he may be a bit odd, maybe even creepy. But, he is hands down the best bell ringer we've ever had."

"I can't believe how COMPETITIVE the job market has gotten. The company I interviewed at today already has 16 employees who can burp the ABCs!"

Taste buds

Sign on a shopper: 'Yes actually I do own the pavement'.

Beware of Anthropomorphic Dog

'Old McAllister is a real crank -- he has a conspiracy theory about Tom Bodett.'