Quirky Narrative Follower Gifts

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

Weird things I do because of the internet

Brünnhilde's Funeral Pyre

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

Fishing.

'This bottle of whisky will give you 'Dutch courage', it's the best I can do.'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

"Your article on the safe storage of combustibles is quite good, but I think you should leave out the part about the wicked witch setting you on fire."

Nobody's reding our company blog,we need you to have sex with Mrs Miggins so that we can spice it up!

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."

'No enemies, Miss, could you give men a list of his friends?'

Abandoned baby with note is left by mouse hole.

Big Bob knew it was wrong, but gosh darn it, someone had to stick up for the little guy.

'It's nice to finally be able to put a face to a really strange book.'

'Ignore me, it's just my nut allergy.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Experience the regional flavors of 2163 Pigeonhole Lane.

'It's the latest thing. I got him done at www.snuffed and stuffed.com!'

'You lied to me- I'm not a lemming am I?'

Snow White and the dwarf with seven psychotic personalities.

A Cool Invisible Cow.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'It's a new commandment by the church of Danae...thou shalt make room for donuts.'

For several minutes, Norma's body is possessed by the spirit of her dead washing machine,

"Wait – how many seasons is this?"

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

'Look, it was fun, but I'd hardly call it scary!'

'He bears keeping an eye on.'

"God I miss the good old days when you could huff and puff anywhere you damn well pleased."

"Why not have a star-nosed mole guide your sleigh tonight?"