Quirky Greenskeeper Gifts

Bert always found plenty of rubbish for his compost bin

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Pointing.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'My name is Herbert J.Whiteside - you must fly for help immediately.'

Egg Buggy

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

Save the termites.

'Here they come, Ben, look alive now!'

Planting Bird Seed.

Industrial Beautification van

"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."

"The only think we'll be able to shoot at soon will be that right to roam lot..."

'Ben, you don't know how nice it is to be hunting with you, especially after fishing with you.'

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

'How long did you say it was 'til trout season?'

'Ben won a blue ribbon in a field trial. He hasn't been the same since.'

'Want to squeeze a lifetime of hunting into one day? Go with Ben!'

'An indecisive pointer.'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

Humpty the Game Warden

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'