Quirky Dining Fan Gifts

Annual Umpire's Banquet.

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

A table setting that includes dentures.

I can never remember which goes better with fish, red blood cells or white.

'it's okay. The package says 'facial quality'.'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

Open House of Horrors

"What's happened to Quiche?"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"I could have sworn I had three sausages!"

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

Deer Cross Dressing.

The water desk

'Right you lot, listen. Hands up for soup. . .'

"We're out of flowers."

Nouveau wine

Mice 25¢

'I think they make my feet look too small.'

'At these prices can't you afford a kitchen?' Burner at the table