Quirky Coworker Watcher Gifts

I USED to know everybody by name. Now they're just Tuneless Whistle, Hacking Cough and Knuckle Pop.

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

Sniffathon: The Dog world's version of a Kissathon

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

Cow with Hay In Tray and Milk Out Tray.

'I warned you about eating at your desk. The Board of Health impounded your keyboard.'

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"This one is less distracting."

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'It's not your work, Hannon - it's your attitude.'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'May I play through please?'

'My car has been tipped over and rammed repeatedly. You don't know anything about this, do you Carl?

Dave began to suspect that he had moved next door to the neighbour from hell.

"Woodpecker gets an office job."

Any last questions about the bright future of Yell? Yes, you there. Me? I wasn't raising my hand. I was waving my phone in the air to show support, like at a rock concert. I guess, though, if I had a question, it'd be how did I get so lucky to invest in a website that publishes restaurant reviews from a screaming baby. Neither ironic, nor a plant. Weird. Can I increase my share? I could invest more if I stop eating.

"Your vacation is over, deal with it!"

"Whinge, whinge whinge! Would it kill you to crack a smile? It's no wonder they call you Mona!"

'Believe me, McFarland, I can appreciate a man who marches to the beat of a different Drum, but you don't march, you boogie!'

Pneumatic seat raised through roof.

'Now look what you've done!! You've aggravated my CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME!!'

'Don't mention the piece of onion on his chin, or the custard on his tie.'

'Candor is a plus.'

"I enjoy the pearls of folksy wisdom as much as the next guy, but what, exactly, does he do around here?"

Will work for a refill.