Quirky Club Goer Gifts

New York Scatological society.

Red Hat Society.

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

The devil you know and his plus one

Sleepwalker on treadmill

The only time cats are known to laugh.

Peel poker.

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

John liked to involve his pet snake in his keep-fit programme.

Dance.

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

'Mmm … and he's ringing wet too. I just can't resist the smell of a wet dog.'

Niche Extracurriculars

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"The next song is for all you unreconstructed commies, who are still in love with their tractors."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

Out of Context Nite with Jeremy Clarkson.

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

Pole Vaulting Club

"Now don't let your concentration move from my hands and the cards. . ."

Ladies, welcome to Palais des Beefcakes. Please observe our rules. NO making lewd propositions to our performers and absolutely no touching. No touching. Let's me and you honeymoon.

Still a mystery to scientists, honey bees will 'dance' for the other hive members in order to signify the exact location of flowers to be pollinated.

'The thing I like about jazz is nobody notices if I hit the wrong notes.'

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

Mobile phone in bar asking for a pint of beer

"I'd like to sing some songs from the great American songbook, I'll start with the Dead Kennedys. . ."

Shorn sheep gets Baaaaard!

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

Dog urinating against a table dancer's pole.