Quirky Clubber Gifts

The Boise Chapter of the Polar Bear Club celebrates the news that it's been given 'Endangered Species' status.

'Next on the agenda...we need to discuss the club's inability to attract new members..."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Football Crazy strip six

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Do kids eat free?"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

The Walk of Shame

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

Niche Extracurriculars

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

Gangsta wrap.

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

Gorgeous Groovers.

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

His master's chill-out album

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.