Quirky Partygoer Gifts

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

The devil you know and his plus one

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Fred, Sam, Brian, John, Walter, Jeff...."

"I'm learning to let go and have fun."

"Happy new year!"

Celebrate National Submarine Day.

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

"Die alone"

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

Mobile phone in bar asking for a pint of beer

'It's your little son complaining about the babysitter's noisy party!'

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

"I love what you've done with that punch bowl Reginald!"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'Honey, the guests are almost here and I just realized we don't have enough food. Do you have any suggestions of what they could eat?'

Castaways at Christmas

"Why - do I LOOK absorbent?"

"Picture this: it's my birthday, my mistress comes towards me with a cake and then, she sets it alight! I was so scared I've been feral ever since!"

Crater Lake Annual Yogurt Guzzle! This year's flavor: Raspberry Marijuana.

A sign in the front window of a bookstore says "Meet the Pope 2 p.m."

"It's OK, darling - Granny's crying happy tears."

"I haven't read it yet, but I've downloaded it from the Internet."

A Redneck Christmas

In the Conversation Pit of Hell.

"Ah – the good, the bad, and the god-awful."

This party better be good. I even had to wash my face!

'...46 and still have Principles...'

"Since we don't do payback dinners, how does eighty bucks sound for the reasonably decent evening I think we've all had?"

"Cool! I just scored us tickets to the next Leveraged Buyout-A-Palooza!"

"I spend most of my time fund-raising."

'This year I did it the other way around...I first celebrated the New Year and then Christmas...Nobody noticed.'