Ironic Party-goer Gifts

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

The devil you know and his plus one

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

Peel poker.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"I'm learning to let go and have fun."

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

'Somehow it just doesn't seem worth it for a one man business.'

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

"The originator of the office birthday party."

"Die alone"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

Monster Roller Coaster

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'It's your little son complaining about the babysitter's noisy party!'

Some apps are really useful.

"I love what you've done with that punch bowl Reginald!"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'Hi. I'm Major Fixer-Upper.'

'He drinks to forget and today it's our wedding anniversary.'

"I haven't read it yet, but I've downloaded it from the Internet."

This party better be good. I even had to wash my face!

In the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'Sorry, I never know what to do with my hands in social situations.'

"Ah – the good, the bad, and the god-awful."

'...46 and still have Principles...'

"Since we don't do payback dinners, how does eighty bucks sound for the reasonably decent evening I think we've all had?"

'I limit myself to just one glass of wine a day...'

"I spend most of my time fund-raising."

'I've decided to give up Lent.'

'You're friends of. . . who did you say?'

"A few of us are going out later to pretend like we're having a good time if you'd like to join."

Hank is full of holiday leer.