Satirical Partygoer Gifts

"Since we don't do payback dinners, how does eighty bucks sound for the reasonably decent evening I think we've all had?"

Sloaney Pony.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I am so attracted to you right now."

The devil you know and his plus one

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Masquerade

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Carioca

Redhead

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

'One more hangover like this and I'm going to have to claim for sickness during holiday absence.'

'Having algorithm and having rhythm are 2 different things.'

Christmas sweater alternatives

Leo McKern

Cheers

Guy dressed as an ostrich at a fancy dress party. Lump in birds throat like a real bird.

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

"Aperitif?"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"My compliments to the sommelier."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'At that moment, across a crowded room, their thighs met.'

"...and what do you think will happen if you do attend the party?

Down on Bourbon Street...

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

The Friday Night Olive Races Down at the Tribeca Martini Bar

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"I'm learning to let go and have fun."