Occasional Partygoer Gifts

'My husband will be a little late getting to the office, but he's on his way.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I am so attracted to you right now."

The devil you know and his plus one

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

Masquerade

Redhead

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

Carioca

'One more hangover like this and I'm going to have to claim for sickness during holiday absence.'

'Having algorithm and having rhythm are 2 different things.'

Cheers

Guy dressed as an ostrich at a fancy dress party. Lump in birds throat like a real bird.

Christmas sweater alternatives

Leo McKern

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

"My compliments to the sommelier."

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

"...and what do you think will happen if you do attend the party?

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

Down on Bourbon Street...

'At that moment, across a crowded room, their thighs met.'

"Aperitif?"

The Friday Night Olive Races Down at the Tribeca Martini Bar

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

God save the Queen.

"Are you pleased to see me or is that a vuvuzela down your trousers?"

"What's that smell?" "A paper cut."

'Ice cream parlour.'