Quirky Cartoonist Gifts

Life on Earth - Newton about never to discover gravity.

"Due to government legislation, we're not permitted to smoke inside anymore."

Damn these sprinklers and government fire regulations.

Tom awakens to find he's sprouted cute little suitcase-style wheels to match his love handles.

Tupperware Wolf

Antarctica is experiencing a heatwave.

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Glance Exchange

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Optimist

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'You can't come in here with that.'