Quirky Barrister Gifts

'When I offered the bribe, Your Honor, I was just being polite.'

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'I'm not working on a case, I'm looking for something interesting to read in the john.'

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Law Offices

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

"Drop it... Such things banished in our kingdom."

"I don't mind your acting as your own attorney, but would you please stop hopping on and off that damned chair?"

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

Statue of a lawyer

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

"I'd like to represent myself. . . though what as, I haven't yet decided."

"The circus was good but as 'Jo Jo, the dogged faced attorney', I'm making a killing."

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

Do you come here often? May I buy you a brief?

"For the last time, Bellows, it's stomp stomp clap, we will, we will rock. Now, from the top..."

"Who's a good witness."

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

"Don't judge my client by the covers of the books he reads."

'Do you have a plan B if you can't find work as a frivolous suit litigator?'

'his closing argument is not going well.'

'We're moving the law library in here since you have most of the books.'

"Get with the back beat, counselor!"

"Counselor, please refrain from doing that to the witness!"

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."

'...Plus an additional 5 years for parking your getaway car in my reserved space!'