Witty Barrister Gifts

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Call Your Office

'I'm not working on a case, I'm looking for something interesting to read in the john.'

"Let's take in a trial."

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

'The Dorvil people feel that the merger was a mistake. They want out, they want half the company's assets and they want child support.'

David Letterman

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'

"The circus was good but as 'Jo Jo, the dogged faced attorney', I'm making a killing."

'What really hurt was when I had to divest myself of my holdings in the gavel company.'

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"I'd like to represent myself. . . though what as, I haven't yet decided."

"Mr. Berkowitz, I and my Jewish career counselor, hereby wish you a mazel tov on your birthday."

"The truth, the whole truth...so help me, Mr Gates"

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

Do you come here often? May I buy you a brief?

"Who's a good witness."

'When I offered the bribe, Your Honor, I was just being polite.'

"Don't judge my client by the covers of the books he reads."

At 'Traffic Court' there's an 'Express Bench, 3 Violations or Less.'

Lanard, Bonwell, Wilson & Brockman: Based on the standup comedy of Steve Lanard

Do you have anyone whose bark is worse than their bite?

'I'm afraid your Unique Selling Point isn't pointy enough.'

'Your wife got the house and the puppies.. but I managed to get you all the buried bones.'

"Get with the back beat, counselor!"

"Oh, this Clyde. He's my anti-bullying campaign."

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."