Bored Barrister Gifts

'I'm not working on a case, I'm looking for something interesting to read in the john.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Man in meeting has drawn all over paper, table and chairman, who says: 'I have no objection to doodling during meetings, but it must be within reason.'

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Are you sending emails or ZZZ mails?"

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Clive Anderson

So you'd like to be a lawyer...

I think I'd like to make a motion at this time, your honor, but I cut a lot of classes in law school, and I'm not sure if I should make a motion to strike, or compel, or set aside a judgment, or

Make good decisions!

'We never should have brought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious and arbitrary.'

'Finishing law school was easy compared to finding an office.'

'Good thing we're not litigious.'

Statue of a lawyer

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'

'Don't think of yourself as a tiny cog in a huge machine.'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'I take it, you're just starting out.'

Can you tell me how to sue you for flunking me out of law school?

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"I'd like to represent myself. . . though what as, I haven't yet decided."

"The circus was good but as 'Jo Jo, the dogged faced attorney', I'm making a killing."

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law."

'Principal Harris, I vehemently deny all the allegations against me. The accusations are a mirage of lies, half-truths...'

Do you come here often? May I buy you a brief?

"Who do you want to sue when you grow up?"

"Who's a good witness."

'When I offered the bribe, Your Honor, I was just being polite.'

"Don't judge my client by the covers of the books he reads."

Man with the same birth date as Mick Jagger