Quirky Award Lover Pillows

"Wait a minute! This is for winning a beard contest!"

Abductee of the Month

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Nun Fight.

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

'It's just possible that the best candidate is the one who wins the Spoon Race.'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

Base chapel.

Hit a duck, win a prize.

'And now the award for the best product placement in a motion picture...'

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

"But most of all I'd like to thank the zeitgeist."

BAFTA/Oscar lack of diversity

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

'I caught this one while fishing off of a bridge in Venice.'

"I don't get you. You can soft shoe, play the ukulele and juggle, but you can't fetch a pair of slippers."

Champion.

"He had a few drinks while planning where to meet for a drink before the pre-award drinks"

Red Carpet

"Today our teacher gave everyone lifetime achievement awards."

'My mum can play the piano by ear.'

"At an event some chick publicly badmouthed my husband. I didn't run on stage to knock the lady down because she was right."

Academy Awards