Quirky Addiction Humorist Gifts

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Introducing...Anagraman.

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Optimist

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,