Addiction Humorist Gifts

'He promised me that a cigar should never again touch his lips...!'

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"He didn't slip on even one of those peels..."

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"Your report card says you don't interact well with other medications."

"May I suggest we up your medication, sire.

"I like my job because I can afford better psychotropic drugs than my colleagues!"

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

'I'll even throw in 30 days free towing.'

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"

"We do have a wonderful art collection, but it has taken over somewhat: We either need to have a bower or get professional help..."

Snake Centrefolds

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

No Texting

"I never should have given out my wifi password. . ."

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

Vern left his weed on the couch again. Bad for Vern. Good for Scooter.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Oh yes, my young master has changed too! He's now dressed in black all the time an he wears my old collars..."

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

'You've got to do something about your chocolate addition.'

'Since taking Prozac I only chase parked cars'

Eighties Throwback.

A baby escapes from a pram

"Am I the only one who can see that sign?"