Quirky Academic Gifts

Lemming Univ.

'Well, I guess a master's degree is a master's degree, even if it is in skateboarding.'

"Do you have any bedtime stories that aren't about the former Yugoslavia?"

"I gave you half credit on your paper ? Franklin did invent the stove, but Jefferson didn't invent the airplane."

Subatomic particles

The institute.

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"This research worked a lot better with the monkey and the banana."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Pigeon Little

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

Reverse psychology

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Reverse Ageing Laboratory

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

Recombinant DNA Lab. I'm crossing a pine tree, pumpkin and bunny --- You can use it for three holidays!

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Pavlov's Cat

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Galileo, I've had about enough of all your gravity experiments!"

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."