Quirky Professor Gifts

When scientists come out of retirement.

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

Pigeon Little

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'This test doesn't understand me.'

Reverse psychology

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

'Home Schooling'

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Reverse Ageing Laboratory

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Subatomic particles

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

Recombinant DNA Lab. I'm crossing a pine tree, pumpkin and bunny --- You can use it for three holidays!

Genetic Fingerprinting.

Pavlov's Cat

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'Very good, Jeffrey! - You are so creative!'

'The math is more complex this year and some of you won't be able to just tap out your answers anymore.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"Galileo, I've had about enough of all your gravity experiments!"

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'