Quippy Towel Aficionados Gifts

Hymns and Her

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

Coronavirus: Consequences for the economy!

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

I break for toilet paper

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

Do what you can to flatten the curve

"No not the puppy please"

Lord of the Rings: Two Towels

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

A new species just discovered in the Softwood Forest...The TP tree.

"Oh no. We're victims of the 'Tidy Intruder'."

"Your sweaters go in the drawer, your shoes go on the shelf, and you go in this nifty cubby here."

Creation of Adam

How men shop for towels.

"Hi, Honey, I went to that new wholesale store...and, boy, did I get a deal on toilet paper!"

I like a good whodunit.

Towels embroidered with 'Me', and 'No... Me.'

"I can't come out, Mary is having one of her marathon cries."

Flush Direct

'It was the only white thing I had.'

I'm not just being paranoid, Margret. His breath smells like dolphin and I even found a flipper in his coat pocket yesterday. I really think Earl's hitting the bottlenose again.

'You're so soft today. Did you switch to 2-ply?'

"Here, try this on." "But mom, everyone's wearing three ply. I'll be a freak."

Bears Going to the Bathroom in Woods.

"She's a natural!"

"Watch your step, it's a sure sign bears are around."

"Mum...I have to do number five million, seven hundred and twenty seven thousand, six hundred and twenty ones!"

Toilet paper calendar

"I figured my family could use a padded cell. Actually, I just buy toilet paper in bulk."

Is clutter necessary?

"My neighbor's house got TPed, and doubled in value."

Toilet Paper Hill