Quippy Comic Lover Gifts

'You'll have to make do with those until yours come back from the service department.'

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

No-Work Orange

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

"Have you been playing dice?"

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

The Food Chain

Window Treatment

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Zeus's Caddy

"I did my report on time travel, but my dog ate my homework in the future."

"Seriously, just pull my finger ..."

An early space launch attempt.