Quippy Character Gifts

Knock Knees

Backfire

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

'Is the water cold?'

Victorian Gentleman

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

No one knew it, but Gerald was about to execute what he called 'The Move.'"

'I just had this sudden urge to stand out in a crowd...'.

'My dentist recommended it.'

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Real Estate Personals

"Sometimes I'm sorry I ever ran away with you."

"I beg to differ."

The Mad Hatter finally gets taken down.

Bald man with a brush on his head

Access Denied!

"So who else is gonna be there?"

'He's always been a bit of an eccentric...'

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

"Presenting a Few of New York Curiosities"

"We're all loonies on the moon, you know."

"So, Mr. Igor - why do you want to be a laboratory assistant?"

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

Freak Family.

A mad scientist.

Flatware Follies.

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

Andy Warhol