Questionnaire Comedian Gifts

Census Interrogation

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Any other skills?"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

"I don't look at it as bouncing from job to job, I'm merely gaining a broad base of experience."

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'Having conducted a comprehensive review of your business strategy and financial forecasts...'

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

Great literary festival heckles.

"You've omitted your previous patient experience and recommendations from two other doctors."

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

Bar bouncer resumes.

'Hey, maybe you need to work on your writing goodlymoreshun.'

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

Animal liberator with a magician's hat.

Express queue at Lapland.