Interview Humorists Gifts

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

...Gordon's sixth sense suddenly kicked in

'If bringing still wine to the interview was a mistake, is there someplace nearby where I can pick up some bubbly?'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

Polly txt speak

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Alien embryo growing in earth.

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

The First Fire Stick

"She's a miniature."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Giant Monster in Bath

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

"He looks just like your husband."

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'